Tuesday, August 31, 2010

If We Can't Bully the Gay, the Only Bullies Will Be Gay

Some of my earliest and best memories concern pinning small young boys face down on the ground while I mounted them, passed their guard and performed a series of submission holds on them culminating with a rear naked choke.  I would then put them in a choke hold until they passed out.   But now the Rainbow Brites want to take that joy, nay, that rite of passage, away from our pure-blooded, blonde-headed, Godly, strapping young men.

Haven't they taken enough of our happiness already?  They've already stolen Broadway musicals, leather chaps, parades, feather boas, Portia de Rossi , bears, otters (and any number of other cute, furry creatures,) high fashion, and Great Britain.  Why do they have to come after schoolyard bullying?

Fortunately, James Dobson and Focus on the Family are there to point out who the real bully is: The Gay.
He's going to use your lunch money to download Lady Gaga albums from iTunes
You see, LGBT organizations are using anti-bullying campaigns in order to push their rich and tempting decadent lifestyle on the most vulnerable of our citizens: violent, underage, Christian giants.

According to FOTF Re-Education expert Candi Cushman,
...activists are being deceptive in using anti-bullying rhetoric to introduce their viewpoints, while the viewpoint of Christian students and parents are increasingly belittled.
Did you hear that, skinny-little-faggot-getting-his-face-mashed-into-the-concrete?!  You are making Baby Jesus cry!  And not only that, you might as well be dripping the AIDS blood that's spurting from your broken nose and lacerated scalp all over the Christian Legacy upon which our Great Nation (AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL) was founded!

Why can't we go back to the good old days when homosexuals either stayed out of sight or were so good at passing for straight that we never noticed their forbidden proclivities until we were locked in a passionate, musky embrace on the back seat of the bus on the way home from the last football game of my Senior year of high school only to agree that we must never speak of it again and that we must never be alone together until we met at that bar in Tijuana during spring break two years later?


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